V is for Voices

(Pretend I wrote this on Thursday...)

I have caught myself automatically yelling down the hallway, "I HEAR VOICES!" Afterward, I think to myself, "Self, you sound like a crazy person." Crazy people hear voices in their head. I have cat-like hearing for second grader voices. I'm not that crazy, right? People know what I mean when I say that, right?

Anyway, I digress. The voices I'm talking about this time came from the kids in a reading group. Now, I've been known to break out some crazy voices during a read aloud and the kids love them. This week, we have been reading this nonfiction story that was kind of boring us. It's called "Two Marjories: Keepers of the Land" and was about Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (The Yearling lady) and Marjory Stoneman Douglas (The Everglades: River of Grass lady).

Well, by today (remember you're pretending it's Thursday) I guess my group was over it. Here is how it sounded (please use your imagination):

Mr. Ladies' Man, out of the blue, read his sentence with a British accent:

"Both Mar-dries were born at the end of the eighteen hun-dreds."

Dali, Jr. in an evil spirit voice:

"Aaaatt thaaaat tiiiiiiiiiime, peeeeeeeple thooooooought thaaaaaaat aaaaaaaa women'ssssssssss plaaaaaace waaaaaaassssssss innnnnnn the hooooooommmmmme."

Longoria Lover, Jr. broke out in a country voice:
"So most we-men did not have jobs uther than housewerk! Yeee haw!!!"

(By this time I'm shaking with laughter, but I am not interrupting...they are very good understanders.)

Ms. Drama is a valley girl:

"Like, many women, like, had no way to, like, speak out and, like, didn't have the right, to like, vote until, like 1920! OMG! That does not make me want to LOL!"

(This caused me to lay my head on the table and laugh uncontrollably. Don't worry, we were coming up to a new paragraph.)

Braids' turn was next and she chose an opera voice:

"Raaaaaaaaawlingssss and Dooooouglas fouuuuuuuund aaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaay toooo maaaaaaaake their voooooiiiicess heaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr-dah!

So my turn came around and I busted out a rap tune:

"P-p-p-p-p Well, they had strong ideas...p-p-p-p....which they expressed in their writing...p-p-p-p, Word yo!"

(At this point the kids lost it and their heads were on the table. The rest of the kids in centers turned to look at their crazy teacher rapping.)

When we regained our composure, Mr. Lady's man was now Australian:

"The tew Marg-rees were both activists who werked to change the werld. Crikey mate!"

Dali, Jr. was out of ideas so he read the caption in a regular voice.

But Longoria Lover, Jr. had one more up his sleeve...he read in a high-pitched girly voice. We lost it again.

We somehow got through the rest of the chapter and I had to ask, "Did you guys plan that? Why did you read in other voices?"

Ms. Drama, "We didn't plan it, but it sure did make this boring book more fun!" Honesty. Commendable.

Mr. Ladies' Man said, "Ms. Buckler, that was so funny! I loved the evil spirit voice best." He proceeds to reread a sentence in an evil spirit voice.

I say, "be careful or you'll hurt your throat."

Him: "No, I won't (cough, cough, cough!). Can I go get a drink of water?"

I think we're all ready for third grade now...