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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

E is for Embarrassing

Embarrassing for me. Embarrassing for the boys.

I had to have THE TALK today. No, not that THE TALK you crazy people, they're just 8 year olds. Geez.


For those of you who have never been inside our Boys' restrooms in the hallway, you need to know that there are urinals. Just like a public restroom, but slightly shorter. You may even find a dirty word or two. Not sure if there are any girls' phone numbers scratched into the doors since I don't really spend more than .0002 seconds in the place.

The point is that it is hard to get any privacy in there, but I hear that boys don't care so much about that kind of thing. Most of them anyway.

Well, Mr. TV has been known to just drop his drawers and take care of business, but the boys just come out rolling their eyes. I yell in from the doorway, "Mr. TV be appropriate, do your business, and GET OUT!"

I guess it was a little crazier in there today. Mr. Responsible felt that it was his duty to let me know that another dude (NOT Mr. TV) was in there being "unappropriate" (FYI, that's the opposite of appropriate).

It was kind of like this:

Mr. R: Um, Ms. Buckler, um, so-and-so is in there showing his...(points towards his pants)

Me: What do you mean? His what?

Mr. R: Um, you know!

Mr. Jokester: Ms. Buckler! Mr. Responsible is trying to say that so-and-so is showing his privates to everyone and it's just rude and gross.

       Um girls, you go over there and talk amongst yourselves.

The lecture went something like this:

Me: Okay guys, this is going to be embarrassing for all of us. I'm a girl and I do not like having to tell boys how to behave in the restrooms. I've heard that someone was being rude and inappropriate in the restroom. You need to go in there, do your business as quickly as possible, wash your hands, and GET OUT! I expect that you will keep your privates to yourself...That's why they're called PRIVATES! If I hear of anyone else being inappropriate with their body, he will go to Ms. Keene and explain why he now has to use the clinic restroom. Get it? Got it? Good!

Rico Suave: Man, that WAS embarrassing...


Me: Dude! Just get in line and put a bubble in your mouth!

(That's an issue for the third grade teachers...)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

V is for Voices

(Pretend I wrote this on Thursday...)

I have caught myself automatically yelling down the hallway, "I HEAR VOICES!" Afterward, I think to myself, "Self, you sound like a crazy person." Crazy people hear voices in their head. I have cat-like hearing for second grader voices. I'm not that crazy, right? People know what I mean when I say that, right?

Anyway, I digress. The voices I'm talking about this time came from the kids in a reading group. Now, I've been known to break out some crazy voices during a read aloud and the kids love them. This week, we have been reading this nonfiction story that was kind of boring us. It's called "Two Marjories: Keepers of the Land" and was about Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (The Yearling lady) and Marjory Stoneman Douglas (The Everglades: River of Grass lady).

Well, by today (remember you're pretending it's Thursday) I guess my group was over it. Here is how it sounded (please use your imagination):

Mr. Ladies' Man, out of the blue, read his sentence with a British accent:

"Both Mar-dries were born at the end of the eighteen hun-dreds."

Dali, Jr. in an evil spirit voice:

"Aaaatt thaaaat tiiiiiiiiiime, peeeeeeeple thooooooought thaaaaaaat aaaaaaaa women'ssssssssss plaaaaaace waaaaaaassssssss innnnnnn the hooooooommmmmme."

Longoria Lover, Jr. broke out in a country voice:
"So most we-men did not have jobs uther than housewerk! Yeee haw!!!"

(By this time I'm shaking with laughter, but I am not interrupting...they are very good understanders.)

Ms. Drama is a valley girl:

"Like, many women, like, had no way to, like, speak out and, like, didn't have the right, to like, vote until, like 1920! OMG! That does not make me want to LOL!"

(This caused me to lay my head on the table and laugh uncontrollably. Don't worry, we were coming up to a new paragraph.)

Braids' turn was next and she chose an opera voice:

"Raaaaaaaaawlingssss and Dooooouglas fouuuuuuuund aaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaay toooo maaaaaaaake their voooooiiiicess heaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr-dah!

So my turn came around and I busted out a rap tune:

"P-p-p-p-p Well, they had strong ideas...p-p-p-p....which they expressed in their writing...p-p-p-p, Word yo!"

(At this point the kids lost it and their heads were on the table. The rest of the kids in centers turned to look at their crazy teacher rapping.)

When we regained our composure, Mr. Lady's man was now Australian:

"The tew Marg-rees were both activists who werked to change the werld. Crikey mate!"

Dali, Jr. was out of ideas so he read the caption in a regular voice.

But Longoria Lover, Jr. had one more up his sleeve...he read in a high-pitched girly voice. We lost it again.

We somehow got through the rest of the chapter and I had to ask, "Did you guys plan that? Why did you read in other voices?"

Ms. Drama, "We didn't plan it, but it sure did make this boring book more fun!" Honesty. Commendable.

Mr. Ladies' Man said, "Ms. Buckler, that was so funny! I loved the evil spirit voice best." He proceeds to reread a sentence in an evil spirit voice.

I say, "be careful or you'll hurt your throat."

Him: "No, I won't (cough, cough, cough!). Can I go get a drink of water?"

I think we're all ready for third grade now...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

L is for LOCO!

We made piñatas today.

Because it is Wednesday.

Because it is the end of the year and who is listening to real lessons anyway?

Because a certain second grader was not here today...

Because it is Cinco De Mayo!

Because we are reading a story called "Mice and Beans" in which there is a peacock piñata.

Because we earned 20 marbles in our "Hallway Compliments" jar and earned a treat.

Because I may miss this class a little bit in 20something days.

Because it was fun when I made one in second grade.

Because I'm (a lotta bit) loco.

(Okay, I'll stop justifying my reasons now)


Me: Raise your hand if you know how to blow up a balloon.

ALL of them raised their hands.

Me: Raise your hand if you know how to blow up a balloon AND tie it.

SIX of them kept their hands up.

Me: Okay, well if you are confident in your balloon tying skills then you are welcome to take care of your own balloon. But, keep in mind that if you blow it up and then find that you can't tie it...I'm not touching your spit so you're on your own.

THREE of them tried. Here is Mr. Jokester's after 13 minutes of trying...

Still untied..."But Ms. Buckler, my spit is dry by now!"

They actually got fully covered. Eventually.

But in the meantime I heard comments like this:

Longoria Lover Jr.: Ms. Buckler I have the "Wanted People"! (on his newspaper strip)

Giggles: Ms. Buckler do you need a new car? I have some right here. (on her newspaper strip)

Sweetheart: Ms. Buckler! Freckles got stuff in my hair!

Dali, Jr.: Ms. Buckler! My balloon just magically popped!

Mr. Jokester: Ms. Buckler! I still need help tying my balloon! (24 minutes later...)

Yes, I did say it was fun...

I really hope that Mr. Responsible's mom doesn't kill me for the mess he made on his clothes. Fine time to not be responsible, Man! Starch and flour washes out right?

We'll finish these tomorrow and I think they'll turn out great. We'll see how a certain second grader feels about not having one.

(Thanks for showing up to help, Sister...)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

B is for Breaking Point

Today. I hit my breaking point. Really hard. I'm still recovering.

First of all, I have to say that I like to handle discipline problems in my classroom. I like my students to see me as the one in charge. I don't like to have to involve the administrators unless I ABSOLUTELY HAVE to. Or parents for that matter. Unless it's really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

(Disclaimer: There are no bad students, just bad choices. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad choices.)

A Timeline:

8:25 - A third grader claims that there was a "catastrophe" on the bus. It was because of a certain second grader who was arguing with the bus driver.

8: 30 - Coach claims that a certain second grader was making the "World's Most Annoying Sound" (from Dumb and Dumber) in people's faces. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

9:00 - Ms. Buckler receives a phone call that a certain second grader is being sent back from the computer lab because he is distracting the 4th and 5th graders.

9:06-10: 50 - Ms. Buckler asks a certain second grader to sit down, do his work, turn his voice off, at least speak in a whisper, raise his hand, sit down, do his work, stop poking people, and do his work at least a million times.

10:50- Ms. Buckler says the certain second grader's name 11 times before he says, "NICE SHOES JIMMY! THAT MEANS WHAT!" (There is no Jimmy in my class.) Ms. Buckler has a conversation with a certain second grader about having a chat with his brain and telling it that he needs to control his body and voice. Ms. Buckler warns this certain second grader that he will miss tomorrow's AR Celebration if he cannot fix his choices. The certain second grader does his annoying "Sponge Bob cry".

11: 30 - Ms. Buckler is informed that a certain second grader was "really bad at lunch".

12:00 - Ms. Buckler receives a phone call from the school psychologist saying that he can see a certain second grader playing out in the butterfly garden. He had watched him out there for at least 5 minutes.

12:07 - A certain second grader is escorted to Ms. Buckler's classroom by another teacher. Ms. Buckler gives the second grader the riot act.

12:20 - Ms. Buckler calls a certain second grader's mother to ask her if she could possibly give Ms. Buckler some help (aka: COME GET HIM!). The certain second grader is under his desk doing the Sponge Bob cry again. Mom didn't answer, so Ms. Buckler leaves a message. HIM: DON'T CALL MY MOM! AM I GOING TO BE SUSPENDED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ms. Buckler holds the phone out for all of this to be recorded on voice mail. For proof.

12:32 - A certain second grader kicks off his shoes and leaves them where Ms. Buckler trips over them.

12: 36 - A certain second grader is under his chair crawling around saying: I'M A TURTLE! LOOK AT ME!

12: 40ish - Ms. Buckler asks a lovely teacher's assistant to cover her class while I drag a certain second grader up to the office. It was legal. I was just holding his hand. A certain second grader also grabbed onto every hallway pole on the way when he realized where we were heading.

12: 45 - Ms. Buckler leaves a certain second grader with her lovely administrators and goes off to write a referral per lovely admin's request. A certain second grader is sentenced with one day's OSS. Since he is not aware of what OSS means, Ms. Buckler says, "It's too bad that he is suspended for just tomorrow because he is going to miss the AR Celebration." A certain second grader can be heard throughout the office doing his Sponge Bob cry.

2:30 - Ms. Buckler sends two little helpers to retrieve a certain second grader from the office.

2:34 - A certain second grader skips down the hallway saying, "NICE SHOES JIMMY!"

2:40 - A certain second grader does not want to leave the classroom. He says if he doesn't leave he'll still be here tomorrow for the AR Celebration. Ms. Buckler escorts him out of the door.

I don't want to even hear about what happened after that.

Three phone calls where made to a certain second grader's mom by three different people today. No response. Can't say that I blame her.

A certain second grader did not bring any cans of peas today.

How many more days are left? No wait, don't tell me. I can't bear it.

Monday, May 3, 2010

C is for Canned Food

I have to start this story back in November. We had a canned food drive for Thanksgiving. Mr. TV brought a can of peas. In January. I was moving it closer and closer to the trash can until about a week ago when I finally threw it away. Mr. TV notices big changes, so I've been sneaky.

Today, "Mrs. Wilkingson" (Mr. TV's name for Cammie) announced that there will be a canned food drive to support "Stamp Out Hunger" Mail Carriers' Food Drive.

Me: OH NO! The peas are missing! (Dang...)
Me: Why do you always bring peas Mr. TV?

Mr. TV loves food drives so he can get rid of all those nasty peas. He doesn't have a dog to feed them to and his cats won't eat them either.

A is for Adjectives

We are learning about adjectives this week. I've done this activity every year. It's usually pretty funny. For the kids. And eye-opening for me. Since this week is Teacher Appreciation Week, and my kids totally understand my sarcasm, I added this rule: Appreciate your teacher, so no mean words.

Freckles: Short (Like you can talk Mister!)
Blondie: Pretty (Teacher's pet wanna be?)
Giggles: White (I know.)
Cowboy: Nice (On what day?)
Mr. Jokester: Strange...What? Look at that picture you drew! (Touche!)
Cheeky: Different (Than what?!)
Mr. Responsible: Responsible (Unite!)
Ms. Drama: Happy (Aww.)
Dali Jr.: Funny (Duh.)
Myself: Respectful
Mr. TV: Good (Not sure what he's trying to say I'm good at)
Giggles (again, she's very opinionated): Skinny (Girl, your grades will not change, but thank you!)
Braids: Smart (Great minds think alike!)

Yes, I was brave enough to do this. I usually just draw a teacher, but I thought I'd gather some good blog material. And boost my ego a little bit more...I know you were thinking it.